To Oto

It’s the middle of the night, just past 2AM. This is may be my last change. Thinking that, I asked the hospital staff for some paper and a pen. But it’s embarrasing because I can’t write properly anymore. If you hold up the paper to the light, small flower will appear.

Wonderful isn’t it?

Oto, I will be gone soon. It passed in a blink of an eye. There’s not enough time. I haven’t finished anything. I can’t die yet. You will be left alone.

Oto, I immeasurably regret bringing you into a world where you have no father. And I can’t even tie your hair for you anymore. But even so, I am glad I gave birth to you.

You were such an inquisitive child. “Why water is wet?”, “Why does hair keep growing and eyebrows stay a certain length?”, “Why is there loneliness”. You didn’t need a picture book. You’d dream up your own stories while listening to me speak.

While looking at the tiny of you following me, who was used to walking fast, saying “It’s alright”, I always thought: This girl has a great strength to push through life.

Oto, meet many people. Look freely, talk freely, live the way you want to. I think that is is a precious gift you were born with. I wonder if someday, you’ll go to school and make friends. Become a middle schooler, then a high schooler. Will yo fall in love? I wonder what kind of love it will be.

Falling in love is not always happy, it can be painful too. I’m sure that we posses the feeling of loneliness so that we could meet someone. At times, life is tough, but you can forget about it when you’re in love.

Fall in love then some day, I hope you’ll meet that one person. I’m sure he’ll be able to give answers to your questions. He’ll listen to your story. He’ll be happy you were born.

Grape flowers taste like grapes. Banana flowers taste li bananas.

I believe that love is something that leaves a mark from one heart on another.

When Oto is laughing, I’m laughing too.

When Oto is running, I’m running too.

My beloved daughter. My beloved Oto. I love you.

Please be happy.

Mother